Today my baby saw all the little kids drink Sprite so he thought he could join the club. Such a bad idea. I told him no but he made a fuss in front of everyone. I let him have some so he could learn his lesson why I don’t allow it. We went to Walmart and he told me he was sick so he deserves a toy. I told him that’s not how it works when he’s sick. He rushed me out of Walmart because he said it’s night time and he wants to go to sleep. I asked him if his stomach was aching, he said yeah. I told him it’s because he had the Sprite. Now he knows and he told me he won’t drink pop anymore. He knocked out the moment we got home.
I’m supposed to be happy today right? But I’m not. I hate that he thought he could hide it from me. Ugghhh. You can’t hide shit from me mister! You’re not that slick. 11 months together yet this guy still thinks it’s okay to do and hide things behind my back.
It’s been almost a year since we started dating and he wanted to take me on vacation again. Too bad we can’t. Gotta save up and move out and buy new furniture. I’m so mad that I have to buy a new bedframe!!! Damn stupid landlord.
Vacation will have to wait…
So I didn’t get the permanent position with my current job. Why? Because I’ve missed too many days.
Do I have to tell people I’m sick. Been sick since I was 19 and battling every day to be stronger?
You can say I’m annoyed. But I opened up to my supervisor about it. She said if my attendance is good for the next month until my contract is over then maybe they’ll think about hiring me.
At this point I don’t care. This job stinks. Applying for jobs like crazy today though.
Turned down for three jobs that I got referral on. Now I’m just waiting on the current job to see if I get it. But I’m slowly losing hope because the job posting has been taken off the website already. I’m so tired of job hunting. So tired of getting to get a permanent job. Ugghhh. It’s been three years since I’ve had a permanent position. I feel like it’s a dead end road for me. Praying that God has something better out there for me soon. I’m getting impatient.
I’ve only slept for two hours and haven’t been able to sleep since I woke up at 2am. I’m gonna regret it. I wish I could just go home right now. Made the worse decision ever to sleep here.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just alone in this. Honestly I feel like I am. My feelings isn’t even being considered. Why do I bother? Why?!
Apparently I just lecture and lecture. Seriously? I’m expressing how I feel.
Is it wrong to want to go to bed at the same time at least one night a week? Are you seriously gonna drink every night you’re off work just because you’re bored and you have your kids with you? You gonna stay up until 2-3am drinking while your kids sit there and wait for you to go to sleep with them? Is it always gonna be like this? You want a girl who can be old fashioned yet you can’t change your ways. You tell me you’re settling down by wanting to move in together but are you fully committed?
I feel like I’m living a fucken joke here. I already know he’s gonna wake up and pretend shit never happened.
Did I set myself up for disaster? Is it so wrong of me to have feelings? Do I honestly deserve this kind of treatment? Am I sacrificing too much?
Frustrated. Came home at 4am and to my surprise my wooden bedframe is ruined because the landlord never bothered to fix the damn hole in my bedroom. Thanks, thanks a lot. I’m losing more and more money. I don’t know what to do anymore. Gonna call them tomorrow and if they don’t fix it, I’m reporting it to the city. It’s my third summer there and it’s the same thing over and over again. Ugghhh I feel like I have to record every call I make to fix my apartment! I’m so ready to move out.
Not only am I frustrated with my apartment, my mom upset me today. I wished it wasn’t like this. I’m annoyed!
I missed home so much especially my annoying baby.
I think this trip has either brought us closer or has opened my eyes more. I know he loves me and doesn’t intentionally want to hurt or disappoint me but he has. Never in my life have I thought that his gambling habit was this horrible. It’s not something I want my life to be about. I hate that I contributed to his habit which makes me even more angry at myself. I left Vegas with unhappy thoughts. I couldn’t wait to come home because I felt so broke after three days being there and I still had two days left.
Not only that but he talked me into getting a timeshare… Which means we bought our very first place together. That really hurt me the most. The money for this came outta my pocket because he was too broke. In the end, it all comes down to me or else there is nothing for him. In ways I hate that he can’t see this and appreciate it the things I’m doing and what I’m sacrificing for our future.
How can I be happy? It just added more stress on me. It’s another road block.
Now I have to secure a job. Find a new home. Make time to go open up an account with him so we can both contribute money and pay bills out of. I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated!!!