New Year’s Resolution

I know it’s a little too soon to be thinking about it but I am as of this moment, thinking of all my goals I want to accomplish. 

I think I will finally try a 365 day blog challenge that I myself will create. LOL I think I’m also going to capture more pictures and blog more often because I’ve become so busy that I forget to blog yet I’m always on FB. It’s like, WTH, FB over my blog. I’ll try to post a status on FB venting then I realize, it’s FB, someone is bound to comment and say something stupid to me, and I forget I have a BLOG. 

I have to say, I have vented a lot on my blog lately but I’m going to resist venting so much and try to post happy things vs bad things. 

My other goal for 2015 is to actually travel more. I was blessed enough to travel this year out of town and out of state but would love to do it more. Actually go and see places and people I enjoy most. 

Another thing I want to accomplish is getting a new car. Seriously, I need a new CAR. Mine, or should I say, my brother’s car, is breaking down. I’m refusing to fix it now because I need an excuse to buy a better car. One that I don’t have to wait for it to warm up for 15 minutes in order to drive it and be sluggish when it’s trying to change gears on me. 

Last but not least, I hope to be a better mom to my baby. I want to be able to go on field trips with him next year and enjoy spending time with him while in school. It’s something I didn’t get to do last year and I really hope this year I can do it since I don’t work downtown Saint Paul no more. 

Let’s see how this goes for 2015. I can’t wait and I’m excited for this change.

He’s growing and talking more and more each day.

He’s growing and talking more and more each day.

Maybe this isn’t it

It broke my heart that these kids think so selfishly about me. I’ve never starved them and never gave my son more than what I’ve given them. I don’t know how much longer I can take. After this year, I’m saving up and I’m gonna leave. Who wants to be in a relationship where it’s not just the adults giving me drama but putting my son and I in a situation where it’s not necessary. If it ever comes down to it and I have to testify, I will make everyone pay for the suffering they are putting my son and I thru. My goal now is to leave. I’m not gonna suffer and be in pain no more.

Grow up, you’re an adult

Some people just don’t know when to grow up. Never in my life have I ever thought I would be in this situation ever but here I am… Haters gonna hate.

I’ve done nothing wrong to this girl. She thinks she can just throw my son and I into her problems. Call me names if you want. Say bad things about me if you want. I obviously can care less because I know I’m not like you. I don’t create unnecessary drama in your life. Learn to appreciate that I’ve opened up my heart to take care of your kids. If anything, I probably spend more time with your kids than you ever do when you claim to be working two jobs. It’s no wonder when you break down, you blame others for your mistakes. If you’re such a great mother, you wouldn’t blame anyone but yourself.

Frustrated with this case. I’ve rewritten his plan over and over for the past week. If we don’t win, I don’t know what to say.

Tired of this

Spent 6 fucken days taking care of these kids, cleaning up the apt, cooking and picking up after everyone and then BOOM. My back gives out on me and I still get treated as if it’s not a major thing. Yeah, keep doing and treating me like shit and I’ll do the same. Tired of this crap I put up with. These kids have no sense that I hate it when it’s messy and now my baby does exactly what they do to me. It’s a phase everyone will say to me but honestly if the parents never gave a fuck and said anything to begin with, it’s not a phase no more. I’m tired of yelling and teaching them what’s right and what’s wrong.

Why do I have to be there for you when you don’t give a shit about me? Act like I don’t work my ass off throughout the week. After work I’m still working. It’s not a luxury staying home and taking care of the kids. If you don’t want to take care of them and want others to raise them then don’t even bother with me. I’ve held it in for too long. I deserve more than this.

Can’t imagine having more kids…

After these three! They drive me insane yet they fill my world with joy and love at times. I have to say, the more his two kids are with us, they are slowly learning that they need to behave and be well mannered. I really hate to send them back to their mom’s even if it’s for one day. I know my boyfriend struggles with communicating with his ex about the well being of the kids but I’ve expressed my feelings that I don’t want them to go. They are changing and there are days they are very good and it makes you think, how did she raise these two that they lack the attention and affection they really need.

They love bedtime stories. And I know their mom never reads to them before bed.

I’ve taken on a whole new responsibility having these three kids. Praying that we win this case.

The pressure is on… I think?

Every time my boyfriend and I show up at gatherings, his first cousin always tell us to get marry. Idk why. Maybe because he’s drunk? We can understand why they say the things they say and pressure us but really, it’s because we’re not ready. We enjoy not having obligations to each other’s family. After his cousin said what he said, his uncle chimed in on the conversation and told us to get marry. His cousin thought I was marry before and I stopped him and said, “I’ve never been marry so you might have to rethink how you plan on coming to talk to my parents.” He was surprised. They didn’t think that was the case with me since I had Immanuel but it sure was the case. My boyfriend knows it’ll be easy to just do this wedding even if I’ve never been marry before but he knows he can’t escape my family aka the nieces and nephews. They are a total different story and I know they are just waiting for my wedding to happen. But of course, I’m gonna do it the way I want to. I don’t know how my boyfriend feels about all this… But I hope that his family does like me. His cousin has known me for so long and even said that he would be disappointed in my boyfriend if he got me pregnant but didn’t want to marry me. I know they’ve all heard of the struggles I went thru. Sooooo, the pressure is on but we aren’t gonna take marriage into consideration at this time. Maybe in another year.

It’s gonna be rough

First day of living together and I’m beat!!!

Been up since 6 a.m. trying to unpack and it just didn’t go so well. Constantly had to yell at the kids that I got frustrated. Dropped off the two older ones with the bf and came back to unpack some more but was a fail.

Exhausted to the maxx! With all the driving in the damn truck. I want my car back soon.

Can’t imagine life like this but it’s going to be like this. These kids need to turn around and see that it’s different. Ugghhh!!! Shoot me.

It’s finally falling into place

We got our apartment! Can’t wait to move this weekend because I’m seriously tired of staying with my family. My mom’s always nagging. Nephew is always being a brat. If I could I would sleep at my girlfriend’s place but her boyfriend plays game until 2am and I can’t get no peace and quiet there either. Sadly no bed until we save up enough money for one. Excited to move that I can hardly sleep at night now.

Work life

My third day of work and I still didn’t get a computer. It was a horrible day wearing my glasses too. Headache and pain from the way people’s computers were set up didn’t help. I hate being blind! It makes my world blurry and dizzy. I had to come back and grab my contacts during lunch so I wouldn’t have a headache anymore. Hopefully tomorrow I will get my computer and have access to everything that I need to do and work by myself. I really just want to sit at my cubicle and be in peace versus having to have someone look over my shoulder every second. I have to say, I’ve got down the basics already and it’s something I’ve never done before, only in accounting class. I like the job but I hate the way the company works mostly on contracts. If I had known 3M was like that, I might’ve turned down the job but the pay is okay and I couldn’t stand to be unemployed again. Why is it so difficult!!! I hate 3M for doing that also. My co worker has been on contract for 4 years and she doesn’t even hope to get hired on. She’s gone thru four different teams also. If it’s like that, I’ll never get a paid time off day EVER. I hate temp agencies sometimes. You work so hard but you don’t get paid time off because the company isn’t paying the temp agency for your day off. Fucken bull…. Arrrgghhh

Fall came too soon. Then again we’re gonna hit the 80s again Saturday. You bipolar weather!!!

Fall came too soon. Then again we’re gonna hit the 80s again Saturday. You bipolar weather!!!

Ugly shot but it was a really beautiful sunset tonight.

Ugly shot but it was a really beautiful sunset tonight.

Patiently watching this all fall down. Plan will fail and motion will be revoked. Not even gonna lie. I have no patience and no energy to wait on people. Watch them make a fool outta themselves because I can easily make them look pathetic with the choices they make.

What comes first?

Who will be standing right behind you when it all goes down? No one but your family yet it’s so damn hard for some idiot to understand that. Seriously, if on your day off you think you deserve a break from your kids that you haven’t even spent time with for seven days then I guess your priorities aren’t even straight. The time and money invested in trying to get these kids isn’t even worth it. If you have no sense in yourself that your kids should come first then I don’t know what’s wrong with you. You gave life to these kids yet you lack the ability to take care of them. I barely get any time to myself and you tell me that because you’ve worked hard for the past six days, you deserve a day out drinking? Honestly, you need a reality check. These kids wait patiently to spend time with you and you’re so blind to see it. Fucken pathetic. I don’t know why I fucken bother anymore. It’s a waste of my time and energy.

He’s so cute in this picture, I can just squeeze him.

He’s so cute in this picture, I can just squeeze him.